The Substitute Gospel

The following is an excerpt from an introductory essay written by J.I. Packer back in 1958 for a piece by John Owen called, The Death of Death in the Death of Christ written in 1648.  Oh how true these words are...

"There is no doubt that evangelicalism today is in a state of perplexity and unsettlement. In such matters as the practice of evangelism, the teaching of holiness, the building up of local church life, the pastor's dealing with souls and the exercise of discipline, there is evidence of widespread dissatisfaction with things as they are and or equally widespread uncertainty as to the road ahead. This is a complex phenomenon, to which many factors have contributed; but, if we go to the root of the matter, we shall find that these perplexities are all ultimately due to our having lost our grip on the biblical gospel. Without realizing it, we have during the past century bartered that gospel for a substitute product which, though it looks similar enough in points of detail, is as a whole a decidedly different thing. Hence our troubles; for the substitute product does not answer the ends for which the authentic gospel has in past days proved itself so mighty. Why?

We would suggest that the reason lies in its own character and content. It fails to make men God-centered in their thoughts and God-fearing in their hearts because this is not primarily what it is trying to do. One way of stating the difference between it and the old gospel is to say that it is too exclusively concerned to be 'helpful' to man - to bring peace, comfort, happiness, satisfaction - and too little concerned to glorify God. The old gospel was 'helpful', too - more so, indeed, than is the new - but (so to speak) incidentally, for its first concern was always to give glory to God. It was always and essentially a proclamation of divine sovereignty in mercy and judgment, a summons to bow down and worship the mighty Lord on whom man depends for all good, both in nature and in grace. Its center of reference was unambiguously God. But in the new gospel the center of reference is man. This is just to say that the old gospel was religious in a way that the new gospel is not. Whereas the chief aim of the old was to teach people to worship God, the concern of the new seems limited to making them feel better. The subject of the old gospel was God and his ways with men; the subject of the new is man and the help God gives him. There is a world of difference. The whole perspective and emphasis of gospel preaching has changed.

From this change of interest has sprung a change of content, for the new gospel has in effect reformulated the biblical message in the supposed interests of 'helpfulness'. Accordingly, the themes of man's natural inability to believe, of God's free election being the ultimate cause of salvation, and of Christ dying specifically for his sheep are not preached. These doctrines, it would be said, are not 'helpful'; they would drive sinners to despair, by suggesting to them that it is not in their own power to be saved through Christ. (The possibility that such despair might be salutary is not considered: it is taken for granted that it cannot be, because it is so shattering to our self-esteem.) However this may be (and we shall say more about it later), the result of these omissions is that part of the biblical gospel is now preached as if it were the whole of that gospel; and a half-truth masquerading as the whole truth becomes a complete untruth. Thus, we appeal to men as if they all had the ability to receive Christ at any time; we speak of his redeeming work as if he had make it possible for us to save ourselves by believing; we speak of God's love as if it were no more than a general willingness to receive any who will turn and trust; and we depict the Father and the Son, not as sovereignly active in drawing sinners to themselves, but as waiting in quiet impotence 'at the door of our hearts' for us to let them in.

It is undeniable that this is how we preach; perhaps this is what we really believe. But it needs to be said with emphasis that this set of twisted half-truths is something other than the biblical gospel. The Bible is against us when we preach in this way; and the fact that such preaching has become almost standard practice among us only shows how urgent it is that we should review this matter. To recover the old, authentic, biblical gospel, and to bring our preaching and practice back into line with it, is perhaps our most pressing present need. And it is at this point that Owen's treatise on redemption can give us help."

This posted originally at http://blog.nicktam.com

Reflections from Haiti (Day 5)

The fifth day we finished the house that we were working on since Day 3.  It was a bit more hot but not as bad as Monday.  The work day wasn't too eventful as we buckled down and worked to finish the site.  That didn't stop us from ministering to the people though!  If I recall correctly, the fifth day we had a lot more visitors coming by because helicopters were flying into the area and dropping off supplies, so a lot of the villagers were walking along the road.  More of our team mates went out this day than any other day I think, and we sang songs with them and played games, and shared Bible stories.

On one occasion I went out to take some pictures and talk to the kids as they were racing against each other and some of our team mates.  Once I got out there, I was asked to race, and so in spirit of cooperation I ran the race.  Little did I know that the boots I was wear pretty much makes it impossible to run in, and while all the kids were going to the finish line, I lost my balance and tumbled over and fell...  Pretty embarrassing, but I was surprised that even though the kids were laughing at me, they were helping me to get all the dust off of me.  It was a laughable moment, and took some pictures with the winner (who is incredibly fast).  His name is Pierre.

After we finished the house, we took a group picture with the home owner and all the Haitian's that were working with us and a prayer.  I think that while God blessed us with great team unity, it also included the Haitian's who were paid to work alongside with us.  Our team never excluded them during breaks, took care of them to make sure they drank water too.  They even bought us fresh coconuts the first working day.  So as we prayed we stood in a circle and held hands and prayed.  After we prayed, we all hugged and thanked each other for their hard work and dedication.

Not much happened when we got back to the house, but later that night, one of the team members heard some kind of  worship service going on next door to our compound and wasn't sure if it was a voodoo related.  So some of us went to check it out, and confirmed that it was a voodoo service.  I don't think they sacrificed any people or anything like that, but it was disturbing to see the service going on about 100 feet from our house.  We decided to bring out our travel guitar and have our nightly worship outside where we could sing praises to God, and pray over the situation.  Later, one of the cook's daughters revealed to us that one of her friends was actually murdered earlier that very same day because of some voodoo ritual/followers.  That's just one of the things people (not necessarily Christians) are up against in Haiti, and like I said before, voodoo teaches and instills fear into lives of its followers, because if they don't do something, a bad curse will be placed on them.  Christians on the other hand give hope in Jesus Christ and He gives salvation and grace to those who repent and believe in Him.

I think seeing this voodoo worship gathering helped me realize that when doing God's work, we are bound to see and experience opposition, because  there is ONE person who will do anything to stop the work of the Holy Spirit, and if we aren't seeing that opposition or persecution in a sense, then maybe something is very wrong.  I can only imagine why Paul would count the sufferings for Christ sake pure joy.  Maybe it's because he knows that the sufferings are what confirms the work he is doing is being strongly opposed by the one who does NOT want God's Kingdom to advance...  I hope this speaks to your heart, because as Christians, we will NEVER have it easy, and the moment we get to comfortable in our life, the harder it will be to follow and answer God's calling and direction.  May we all seek suffering not for the sake of suffering, but knowing what we are doing is really God's will in our life.

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This posted originally at http://blog.nicktam.com

Reflections from Haiti (Day 5) - ON HOLD

Hi everyone...I'm pretty exhuasted from everything that's been going on, so I'll post it up as soon as I can.  City to City Praise night tomorrow "All or Nothing" at CGBC!  Come worship with us at 7pm! =)

This posted originally at http://blog.nicktam.com

Reflections from Haiti (Day 4)

God answered all of our team members prayers on the forth day because the weather the day before was making the working conditions extremely difficult.  The forth day weather was a lot cooler and more overcast, so we were able to get a lot more work done and be more efficient.  We still had to take regular breaks to keep from being dehydrated.  It actually rained overnight, so all the water we filled with debris came back.  We rode a tap-tap, which is like a truck converted into a taxi, and we sit on benches in the back.  The road to the house we were working on was almost impassable, because of the rain water basically converted the road into a river.  We decided to just push through and luckily we didn't get stuck in the water.

The second day I went out with a couple team members to play and hang out with a group of kids, and then we shared with them the Creole tract, and went through the tract with them.  It was so neat to hear all these kids from 5-14ish reading the Bible verses in unison from the tract.  It may have been their first time every hear about the Gospel, and the thing about the Gospel is it holds power in itself, and we only need to be obedient and just tell the Gospel to those we meet.  I think there were 14 or 15 kids there that actually professed their faith and prayed the salvations prayer.  So praise God that we will see those kids in Heaven.  Unfortunately, we didn't have Bible's in Creole, but we told them to go to the local church that we were partnering with to clean up and demo the house we were at.  We continued to sing songs with them, and praised God right at the site.

Just before lunch, a little kid came up to me and I swear he looked so much like my sponsor child in Mozambique (his name is Bebito Pepa).  I took a picture with him, and he just sort of stuck around me during lunch and afterwards he picked up a shovel and started helping....it was soooo cute.  His name was Luis Alberto and I couldn't catch his last name so I say his last name is Bebito =)

During a break in the afternoon, I was talking to a Haitian person, and all of a sudden he was asking me why did I come to Haiti, and I said basically that I wanted to help Haiti because it is in so much need.  And he seemed confused and asked "but why Haiti?"  I was caught off guard by his question, because I didn't really realize that I could have gone anywhere else in the world to help those in need, so what made Haiti the place to go???  I responded to him that I follow where ever God calls me to go, and  felt called to come here to Haiti.  My answer seemed to satisfy me, but it didn't dawn on me that he WASN'T a Haitian worker with our team like I thought he was (because his English was mediocre).  I don't know if this man knows God personally, but I hope my answers and testimony of being there helped give him hope in God.

We quit work at about 2:30, but we got a lot of the debris cleaned up and moved.  there was still some rebars to cut and take down but we didn't have the proper tools to do any of that, so there wasn't much we else we could do.  I had ONE yellow disaster relief shirt for the ENTIRE week....so I had to hand wash it every day after we worked.

I can't remember any encouraging sharing's during dinner or our team debriefing, I forgot to bring my journal back home with me today.  I do remember that we sung worship songs again in the kitchen with the travel guitar.  It was a great time of worship.

Sorry my post is a little short today, since I didn't have my journal with me, I didn't remember anything else for the day.  Enjoy the pictures though, and if there are any important updates for day four I will edit this post!

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This posted originally at http://blog.nicktam.com

Reflections from Haiti (Day 2)

During the second day, being a Sunday, all the teams that were at the compound visited different Haitian churches.  So after breakfast, we all got into our van and drove about 40 minutes into downtown Port-au-Prince to the church that we were visiting.  As we were driving there, our interpreter was explaining to us that there are 2.5-3 million people in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, and the death count so far since the earthquake was at around 250,000, not including people who might still be buried underneath ruble still.  Right now there are about 1.5 million people are living out on the streets because they are too traumatized to go back into their homes.  Later on, we heard a report that it is estimated about 1.3 million of those people can safely live in their homes but they will chose not to and sleep in tents right outside their homes on concrete ruble.  The interpreter also gave us insight as to why practically all of Haiti uses concrete to build, and it is because it is the only thing that can stand up to hurricanes (which they get more of every year than major earthquakes), and to use wood would be very expensive because it is a very scarce commodity.

 When we got to the church, I could hear praise songs joyfully being sung with such enthusiasm and emotion from outside the building.  There were probably close to 100 people inside, dancing, clapping, and raising their hands while singing, and never stopped when a bunch of guys with yellow shirts came in.  They led us to sit in the front, where they continued to sing praises until the pastor came and gave us some encouragement and thanked our team for coming to Haiti to help them out.  They asked each one of us to say a few words, and when I went up I wanted to encourage them with a verse from Hebrews 10:24-25, but somehow with the translation I ended up only saying part of the verse. 

After each of the members spoke, one of our team mates requested to share a short message on the spot, and he spoke on Hebrews 12:26-29 which talks about God will shake the Heavens and the earth once again, and only things that are "unshakable" will remain, which poses us with a question what are we holding onto in this life???

Apparently, this was the FIRST time the congregation met in their own church building SINCE the earthquake, because the building collapsed and the ruble and debris kept them from meeting there.  All of it was cleared out and ready to open the church with a blue tarp over as a make-shift temporary roof, and I think another SBC Disaster Relief team JUST finished cleaning the site up the day before.

After the church service, we visited the Presidential Palace.  As soon as we got out of the car, some kids came up to us asking for a dollar.  Again, all I could do was say no and smile.  I was so surprised that this one little kid saw my name tag and was able to read my name, and was saying "Nick".  I asked him what his name was, but I don't think I was saying it right because he wasn't responding.  We took a few pictures of the palace, and headed over to a cathedral that was also damaged from the earthquake.  There again, kids came up to us asking for food and money, and we couldn't give them anything.  After taking more pictures of the cathedral, we went back to our "base".  We didn't have much to do afterwards, I think most of us napped because still jet lagged, and not used to waking up so early.

After dinner, I was invited by one of my team mates to the kitchen where he introduced me to our interpreter for the week, and 2 of the cooks daughters.  It was so crazy because we had a spontaneous worship night right there in the kitchen.  It was really cool to be singing common songs that all of us knew with a little travel guitar.

Every night, we would have a team debriefing where we would talk about the day, what was good, what could we have done better, and any concerns/issues that came up.  Then we would have a devotion led by one of the team mates.  I think another thing that God blessed us with was really great team cohesion.  From the moment we met at LAX/Fort Lauderdale, to when we all departed from the airport we just clicked with each other and worked well with each other.  There weren't ANY conflicts with our team members, and we always were encouraging each other and building each other up.

So for my thoughts and reflections of the day, I think this was THE day that really hit me and things just started becoming so surreal for me.  The first day, I saw Haiti for all of 20 minutes from the airport to the house, and after that I was locked up in that compound for our own "safety", so there's only so much you can see and experience in 20 minutes.  But the second day, we drove MUCH longer periods of time, and actually got out of the car to interact with people and such.  I saw sooooooo many houses completely collapsed and destroyed, tent cities EVERYWHERE, ruble, ruble, and more ruble, more and more trash and you could tell when you were getting close to a trash pile because of the smell, and practically the entire city was out on the streets.  The fact hit me that this truly was a disaster and I have NEVER in my life experienced anything to this magnitude and I don't know how I would even react in a situation like this.  Again, I keep thinking what if this were to happen in Los Angeles, or even San Jose, both being on a major fault line.  I realized that it would take YEARS for Haiti to recover from this event, and the week that I was there would only contribute to a fraction of the help needed.  I remember as we were driving back to the compound, I became overwhelmed by these thoughts and emotions and began to tear up.  I remember asking God to give me the strength to go through this week and help me to understand His BIG picture of the work He is doing in Haiti.  And boy did I hear some amazing BIG stories that I will share with you in later posts =)

Another thing that was kind of hard for me to get used to was NOT being able to give people any food, water or money, especially people I know are in need.  I realize that the safety of the team is important and causing a riot would be really dangerous, but it just kills me inside NOT being able to help those in need which is the reason why I wanted to go to Haiti in the first place.  Again, this goes with God's BIG picture.

Anyways, that is day 2 of Haiti....still LOTS more to tell, tomorrow is the start of the actual work we were there for =)

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This posted originally at http://blog.nicktam.com

Reflections from Haiti (Day 1)

Wow...it's been a month since I just left from Haiti...and I know I haven't been able to really let most of you know my experiences, thoughts and reflections from the trip, other than family and CGBC people.  Even IF I told you about Haiti, these blogs will probably reveal even more stuff....  So for the next week I will try and post up something everyday that happened a month ago (so I'm not posting a gigantic blog post like God's Hand is AWESOME!... hehe) starting with today!  Everything is still fresh in my head, and just in case... I kept journal of everything that happened while I was there.

So the trip actually started on 4/16 for our 11:45pm flight from LAX.  Right when I was dropped off, I immediately saw the team members in front of the ticket counters, because they were wearing the Disaster Relief shirts.  God continued to shower us with his blessings as we were able to fit 2 boxes worth of medical supplies in each of the team members luggage's because the airline wouldn't let us check the boxes in.  On top of that, NO luggage that the team members checked-in were overweight!  We took a red-eye flight (super rough, so none of us got any sleep) to Fort Lauderdale, Florida where we met the last team member, and prayed together before our flight to Port-au-Prince, Haiti.  The flight was pretty packed with a mixture of volunteers (mostly doctors and nurses), but there were a handful of Haitians as well.  On the flight, I met a Haitian named Jin (or Gin?), and he lives in Cincinnati, but has a house in Haiti.  This was the first time he has had a chance to go back to his house in Haiti since the earthquake. 

When we arrived at Port-au-Prince, a SBC representative met with us and once we got all our baggage, we headed out of the airport into a security waiting area, and from there you could see all these people looking through the gates like they were hopeless.  While we were waiting for our cars to take us to the place we were staying at, we were approached by a man who was on crutches and on leg was amputated and had a puffy lip.  He asked us for some food, and we were warned NOT to give out ANYTHING to ANYONE unless we were told to do so because it could start a riot, endangering our team and any other Disaster Relief teams that would come in the future because of our symbolic Disaster Relief shirts.  It was pretty hard to do, and I felt like we were letting that man down, but I think the bigger picture helps remind me that God is moving in BIG ways.

It was about a 20 minute drive to the house we were staying at, and on the ride there I got to see a glimpse of the damage and affects of the earthquake that happened in January.  We passed by tent cities, people just loitering on the side of streets, trash everywhere, and of course a lot of ruble and buildings that collapsed.  When we got to the house (about 12pm Haiti time) we were briefed on what's going to happen within the next week, and all of the logistics and such.  The management let us rest the day to recuperate from all the traveling.  Not much happened the rest of that day as we settled in, and rested up.  I had a strange dream while I was napping, and to make the long story short, I felt like I was battling against Satan, like he was in me, and I was rebuking him in the name of Jesus, and every time I would say "Jesus" I would get chills down my entire body (like even though I was sleeping I could still feel the chills).  I woke up I think after the third time I rebuked Satan in my dream, and I was sweating (even though the A/C was on) and my heart pounding.  I only mention this, because I think a few other teammates also had troubling dreams as the next few nights, I heard a couple of them shout something really loud in their sleep, so I'm not sure if Satan was trying to like do some damage or something, and if he was, it DIDN'T work.

In general, the weather in Haiti was about low 90's but VERY humid.  Nights were high 70's and still humid, but we had air conditioning in the house we were staying at.  The house is owned by the Florida convention and also serves as a headquarters for CMBH (think of it like Southern Baptist Convention for Haiti), so there's a mix of Haitian and SBC workers within this house.  We did have Haitian cooks, which they cooked us breakfast and dinner every day.  It was authentic Haitian food, and it's not too much different from deep south soul type food.  I think the weirdest thing I ate was goat, but it tasted much like beef so I was ok with it.

I think being able to stay at that house was a blessing from God, because originally, we were supposed to camp out at the site where we were working at (about 45 minutes away from the house), which meant no showers, running water, clean drinkable water, A/C, or electricity (INTERNET).  It would have been a MUCH rougher trip if we had to camp out, and by staying at the house, we were able to eat well, take showers, A/C and electricity to charge camera batteries (I wouldn't have been able to take 1,300 pictures...), Skype my family letting them know everything was ok, and rest well after a hard day's work.

To me, everything was still going so smoothly, and I was just moving with the flow.  I don't think it really hit me that day that I was really doing this and I was actually in Haiti, a foreign country 3,000 miles away from home with people I barely knew.  You could say I had this deep sense of peace about the whole thing, and knowing that God has continued to show His favor on us and everything that we did really helped a lot. 

I remember constantly thinking about what would happen if my hometown experienced a disaster such as this, and what would I do if MY home were destroyed and everything I have was gone at an instant.  It really reminded me that things of this world are temporary and can be destroyed at any moment.  Matthew 6:19-20 says: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."  So I hope this blog of day one in Haiti gets you thinking about what we store here on earth and is it really worth it, because at anytime, it can be destroyed or stolen.  What treasures do you have awaiting in heaven?

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This posted originally at http://blog.nicktam.com

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Support Letter

Dear Family and Friends:

It is with great excitement that I write this email because of a recent opportunity that has been given to me.  I have been asked to serve in Haiti for one week (4/17 - 4/24) along with a team of 6 other people.  We are going under the California Southern Baptist Convention Disaster Relief organization (much like the Red Cross but comprised of Southern Baptist churches).  We will be going in to do demolition and cleanup work, as well as moving and distributing food supplies that many of the Southern Baptist Churches have donated through an effort called Buckets of Hope (It will be pretty amazing if I actually get to handle the 60 buckets my church put together for this effort).  As far as I know, we will be camping at the site where we will be cleaning, and I am not too sure the conditions or what to expect there.

Many of you may have already heard this news, but for those who have not, I would still consider it "news" because I was only asked last Thursday, and decided to go on last Friday.  The past week, I have been making the necessary preparations to be able to go to Haiti, and I realized because everything was coming together so well that this is truly God's will for me.  There have been absolutely NO major setbacks as I have been in the process of preparing, and being much of a worrier myself, I found peace knowing that God was taking care of me every step of the way.

I wanted to take this chance I had before things get hectic again to send out a support letter.  I thank all of you for your partnership in this short-term mission trip I am embarking on, and when I get back I will definitely give you all a full debriefing on everything I can.  For now, here are a couple praises and prayer requests:

• Praise God for opening this door and calling me to Haiti, especially when I've been feeling the compassion and burden to help those who are in need.
• Praise God that the preparation process has been going so smoothly, and as of right now, I am pretty much all set to go.
• Pray for the people in Haiti.  Even though the earthquake struck over 3 months ago, it will take many months to rebuild their country to a new "normal".
• Pray for the Haitian government, that they would serve their people and that there would be less corruption and greed.
• Pray for the area we will be working at, and the Haitian people there that we will be able to minister to them through our love for Jesus Christ.
• Pray for all the helpers, both outside and in Haiti, making these Disaster Relief efforts possible.  Without their help, we can bring no HOPE to the Haitian people.
• Pray for the team that we will be physically and emotionally ready to do the work we are called to do.

Some of you expressed interest in supporting me financially.  If you want to support me financially as well, please let me know individually (before or after I leave), and I can help you with that.  Please feel free to forward this email to any others (and sorry if you got this email twice).  If there are any more details you wish to know, feel free to ask me!  Thanks again for your support!  I am anxious yet excited to go as this will be my FRIST Disaster Relief response. =)

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." ~Numbers 6:24-25.

Blessings,

Nick Tam

This posted originally at http://blog.nicktam.com

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God's Hand is AWESOME!

Wow...I'm sorry for always updating whenever something major happens....but its times like these I just want to shout from the top of my lungs on how AMAZING God is!!! I hope this blog encourages you as it has to others that I have shared this testimony with. Maybe sharing how I have seen God's hand move in my life will allow you to see how His hands are working in YOUR life today big or small.

The story begins on January 12, 2010, a day of devastation for Haiti. Honestly, I was so wrapped up in my own little world I paid absolutely no attention to the news about Haiti, but as the weeks progressed, I started to see the real needs and suffering of Haitian people. My heart began to truly see the devastation and yet I became conflicted with the inability to do anything for them other than just giving money and praying. I felt that just wasn't enough for me. I began to have that urge or calling so to speak to do something as drastic as going to Haiti. The idea of me going to Haiti seemed impossible and quite frankly too big of a task for me and quickly went to the back of my head.

The calling resurrected when I learned about training in February for California Southern Baptist Convention (CSBC) Disaster Relief response team. Knowing that they respond to many types of disasters both nationally and internationally, I was excited to be trained into part of a network that would enable me to help others in times of a crisis, especially Haiti. I thought that by being trained, I could make my request to be sent to Haiti and help out with whatever I can. Unfortunately that calling was once again shattered, when I heard the director mention that Haiti is in a very fragile state and they would only consider sending "seasoned veterans". Since this was my first time being trained and having never responded to a disaster, I felt disappointed about not being able to go to Haiti again.

Though I was disappointed, I felt that this training should not go to waste, and I quickly emailed the director of CSBC Disaster Relief after the training and mentioned my desire to go to Haiti, but would love to serve in any opportunities that I could gain experience in responding to disasters, and so, somehow, gain enough experience to be sent off to Haiti, or any other international response in case it takes years for me to gain the status of a "seasoned veteran". The director responded and said that I just need to let a coordinator know when I am available and she will do her best to schedule me in. This email correspondence was about the end of February. After his response, I never responded back since all I had to do was let a coordinator know when I am available.

After this period I casually talked to a few people of my interest in going out of my comfort zone and serving and just being a very missional person. I even expressed interest into going to the Philippines with my brother this summer. Whatever it was, I felt that I needed to get out of LA, California, the US to experience a different kind of world in need. Even Mexico wouldn't count because I was too familiar with it and I have been there before. I just wanted to be able to put myself out there so I would experience somewhat of the sufferings that Christ tells us to expect in John 15:20. If we honestly believe in God's Word, then as a Christian, we should expect suffering, and in my mind, if we aren't experiencing suffering that Jesus himself says many times during His ministry, I think something is quite wrong. Maybe churches in the Western World have successfully created a comfortable bubble around Christians and the worst kind of suffering we will experience is being ignored or...GASP...yelled at. Christians all over the world are still being martyred, beaten, humiliated, and cursed upon; and we whine about being scared because of what people think about us. I began to realize that my faith needed to be tested, and I was fearful that when it comes to real suffering my faith would snap with just even an itsy bitsy tiny amount of pressure like a toothpick.

I think my faith began to be tested in March because that month happened to be quite a busy month, with events pretty much every Saturday and Sunday. It was stretched even further when my car overheated one day and the radiator burst, causing much stress and energy to fix it. When I finally fixed it, that very next day I brought it to church... it was broken into and my radio, iPod, and Bluetooth headset were all stolen. It happened right in front of church, which makes it very strange because this is the first time anyone's car has ever been broken into since they moved to this location, AND my car has had that stereo for like 5 years....it's not even worth like $20 on the market today. It was almost as if Satan was warning me that he can inflict worse things to me and not just my car should I continue to be faithful and serve God. The busyness and car troubles took quite a toll on my spiritual life, as I was becoming gloomier about everything really having no life in anything I did. Whatever I read during my devotions, and His Word never seemed applicable.

That finally brings us to recent happenings!!! Yesterday, I received a phone call from the coordinator asking me if I want to go to Haiti for one week!!! Keep in mind that I never told her my availability, but she was copied on the director's email and she had made a note that I wanted to go to Haiti and because one of the team members had to back out, she decided to ask me to go in place of that team member. My initial thought was to go because I've had that sense that I wanted to go before, but because it was such last minute, I didn't know if I could do it. Nevertheless I was given a day to think about it and give my final answer. I immediately told my parents (and later the rest of the family), the Board of Deacons, and Pastor, because I knew I needed their support if I were to go. I became more and more anxious/nervous about whether or not I should go, and my heart was literally pounding from the call until I began to play the guitar and pray for direction and God's will. Its ironic how I chose to sing the song "Trust and Obey" because one of the verses says: "Where He sends we will go", and I felt at that point it was God's will for me to go.

Later that night, I sought after my parent's thoughts and they had a lot of reservations that made it seem like I should not go. They never technically said "no, you should not go," but in their hearts I knew they were concerned for my well being. It brought me too much confusion, because I thought that God would confirm His will with the overwhelming approval from my parents, and when I did not get that I began to wonder what God really intended for me. I decided to fast until I made my decision and told the coordinator whether or not I was going. After much thinking, I just went to sleep because I wasn't getting anywhere in finding God's will.

This morning, I talked to my Pastor and after much discussion; I realized that God's will was always for me to go to Haiti. I thought Haiti was impossible to get into so I thought that door was closed and looked for other opportunities (like the Philippines). Little did I know that God had been closing the door on the Philippines mission trip (some complications), and flung the Haiti door WIDE OPEN. All I really had to do was say "God, where you send, I will GO!" And in regards to the confusion I was experiencing last night, it was really because I placed my parents concerns over God's concerns. Not to say that my parents concerns are not important, but compared to God's, they are nothing. Jesus implicates this when he rebukes Peter in Matthew 16:23 when He tells Peter he does "not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

What really brought me back was a profound devotion that Pastor shared with me...and it talked about a professor named Dr. Baker James Cauthen. He resigned from his position at Southwestern Seminary and pastoral position at a church to take his family to China in 1939 (which was in the midst of war). No logical person would ever uproot his family and move them to an entirely new country AND in the midst of war. But the profound part of the devotion happens to be his response to every: "the safest place in all the world to be is the center of the will of God." That did it for me, I KNEW this was God's will already, and I had nothing to fear anymore (stuff like my parents concerns), and nothing would stop me from doing the will of God. The added benefit was that Pastor said he and the entire church would support me as a "missionary" and a representative of God's Kingdom and Chinese Grace Baptist Church.

I quickly called my parents and the coordinator to let them know of my decision to go to Haiti. You must realize that I decided to go to Haiti within 24 hours of the initial call, but the story doesn't end there, in fact it gets so much better...because now you will actually see God's hand working.

The next step I needed to take care of right away is to get an appointment to update my shots for traveling outside of the country. While they are not required, they are highly recommended and would probably ease my parents mind in going. I figured Kaiser, being such a large organization the earliest I would be able to get an appointment would be Monday. When I called for an appointment, I was told I needed to call some travel immunization department before making an appointment to get the shots. The thing was, you basically leave a message with that department answering basic questions like where are you going, and how long and they would get back to you within 2 business days. That meant the earliest they would get back to me would be Monday or Tuesday given today was a Friday and I called about 11:30am. I haven't mentioned when I was going to Haiti so far, but I would be leaving Friday night. So it was looking like I wouldn't be able to get those shots by Wednesday which is cutting it quite close. About 12:30pm my phone rang, and it was the travel department returning the call!!! The interesting thing was that I realized they were calling me during their lunch break, because when I left a message, they asked what time would be best to call back and stated that their lunch break is between 12:15 - 1:30pm. I am starting to see God's might hand in all of this...

After I finished with the travel department, they said they would send an order of all shots and pills I needed to the Baldwin Park facility, so the next step was to make an appointment with that facility. When I called, the nurse was out to lunch, so I had to leave a message and I would get a call back when the nurse returns. I get the call at 1:40pm and I straight out asked if there was any possibility for me to get an appointment today, because I needed to get the anti-malaria pills today to start taking them tomorrow. The nurse said they have one available appointment at 3:30pm so I book it and think how incredible God has been so far! Before going to Baldwin Park, I purchased my airline tickets and then headed out the Kaiser.

When I got there, they were ready with my appointment and three shots (Tetanus, Typhoid, and Hepatitis A) that took all of 5 minutes in which I got to share with the nurse why I was going to Haiti. They then sent me down to the pharmacy to pick up the antibiotics (in case anything happens), and anti-malaria drugs that I was told I needed to start tomorrow. After waiting for about 20 minutes, my prescriptions were ready and when I picked it up, I noticed they didn't give me the anti-malaria drug. When I asked them about it, they replied that they had to order it and it would be available to pick up on Tuesday. I told the pharmacist my situation, in that I needed them today in order to start the regimen tomorrow, he asked me to wait for a moment. After going to the back and discussing with I think the head pharmacist and making a call, he came back and told me that the next door pharmacy had the pills I needed and it would only take a couple of minutes to walk it over. This is where I go ballistic, ecstatic and recognize God is truly AMAZING. I felt it was such a HUGE confirmation that God is calling me to Haiti (even if it is just for one week) that I posted a status on Facebook.

That concludes the work of God for today! I would be lying if I said I had COMPLETE trust in God all the time, because there were moments where I was worried that something might go wrong, and I may not get to do everything I need to. But after today, and God helping me take care of a big portion of the TODO list, comforts me that He is with me, and nothing can stop my sovereign God. The story is far from over, and there is still a lot to prepare for my trip to Haiti. I'm positive God's awesome hand will continue to be doing some miraculous things before, during and after Haiti. I hope this testimony has encouraged you that our God is alive and moving. Take this time to see how He might be working in your life.

This posted originally at http://blog.nicktam.com